Shelly's Epic Commentary of Obsidianwing's Quest!
by xxfalling.failingxx
Summary: Why did I decide to read another terrible story? The answer is why not. I've never read this before, either, so I might as well post it, right? Rated T for extreme language. Commentary Number 2.
1. There's a New Johnny Depp in Town

**Aaaaaaand we're back with another commentary! You may remember my first commentary, the Starkit's Prophecy one. Well now we're commenting on Obsidianwing's Quest! My comments will be in bold parenthesis.**

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 **PART 1 LOVE AT FIRST SITE** **(Oh great.)**

Obsidianpaw wook up to a lot of birds. She walked outside th e apps den and saw firestar. She felt her hart fluter. He was old but she thot he was hot. **(FIRESTAR IS THE NEW JOHNNY DEPP!)**

"hi" she said and smiled at him.

"hey' firestar replied with a wink.

He winked! He loved her! **(A wink doesn't mean anything, you mushroom head.)** "meat me in mah den" he said

"but I have training" obsidian paw said

"idc" firestar said **(Wow. *slow clap* You're setting a great example for kits and apprentices everywhere!)**

obsidianpaw was excited. Why did he want too see her in his den? **(He wants to play with you!)**

(shuld i continue pls review bye) **(Why did you even ask the readers if you should continue or not when you were going to anyways? I mean, I'm completely sure that you received nothing but flames on this story, except for the few kind souls who had pity on you.)**


	2. It's Just Making Out

**PART 2 HE LOVES ME**

Obsidianpaw eagley followed firestar to his den. When they were there he padded close too her and she got nervous. He suddenly kissed her and she gasped. **(Cat's can't kiss, you idiot.)**

"firestar no you have a mate you cant make me have ur kits" she said **(HE KISSED YOU, NOT FUCKED YOU, YOU, YOU-)**

"I love u more then sandstorm! Be my mate! Idc if I am am a lut older then u!" he said

obsidinpaw pawsed. He was so hot. "ok." She memured.

Firestar kissed her agin and she kissed him bak. He pured and licked her chin. **(BLEEEEEEEEEEERGH!)**

(will continu if I get 1 nice review thankz) **(These short chapters are ripping me off of my word count!)**


	3. That's Cruel Bro

**PART 3 OH NO!** **(Oh no is right; there's another chapter.)**

firestar kissed obsidianpaw four a while. **(Eww... just eww.)** Suddenly he pressed against her. He purred ludly and twinned his tail with hers. Obsidian pured in plesure. **(Holy shit. She's enjoying this.)** He stated to get closer. Sudenly a cat came in. It was ...sandstorm! **(Ooooooh, Firestar's in trouble!)**

Obsidianpaw blushd a lot and shrenk back. Firestar growlrd. "I love her not you!"

"but-but shes an dumb app!" sandstorm yelled. **(I agree with you there.)**

"I LOVE HER!" firestar screamed.

"u only think she is sexy!"

"Well she is." firestar said, licking his lips as he gazed at obsidianpaws light blue pelt. **(Ick, Firestar you pervert.)** Her ears were tipped purplish-black and her atractive eyes were forst green. **(At least her eyes are a normal color.)**

Sandstorm cried, she cried so hard obsidianpaw felt bad. "Firestar i-"

"Sh" firestar cut her off. He began to make out with her in front of sandstorm. **(That's cruel, bro.)** Sandstorm sobbed. Firestar grinned wider and wider as sandstorm got more upset. He purred and so did she. Sandstorm wailed.

"Why does she hav too be so hot!" Sandstorm wailed. Then she came close to obsidian and licked her afectionately while firestar was still kissing her. **(I just threw up in my mouth. Sandstorm is not a lesbian, okay?!)** Obsidianpaw growled. Gross! She thought.

Sandstrom tired to come closer but firestar broke away and chased her away "SHES MAH MATE!" He yowled.

Sandstorm ran away. Firestar turned to obsidian and purred ludly. Lets continu. **(Gross!)**

"u uh ok...ay." Obsidianpaw agreed.

they kissed for the rest of the nite. **(I seriously don't know what to say either that 'ew' or 'gross'.)**

(Thanks for postive reeviews :) its not really supposed to be funny tho lolz) **(Psh you got good reviews?)**


	4. This is Just Gross!

**PART 4 LOVE TRIANGLE**

The next day obsidianpaw went to jayfeathers den. He looked at her with longing in his cool blue eyz. He pured. **(Ew, Jayfeather, just no.)**

"I smell firestar on u" he said. **(*barf*)**

"oh…uh…" obsidianpaw stammered.

"how abot….i get my scent on you to" he sugested. **(OH GOD HELL NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! *cries*)** Obsidianpaw blushed. Befor she culd do anything he waz kissing her. He kissed her harder than firestar. She enjoyed it. **(HOW DO YOU ENJOY THIS, SLUT?!)** He took it to da next level by twining there tails together. Obsidians heart raced. The blud rushed in her ears. They both pured loudly.

Obsidian left the den felling happy and satisphied. **(EW EW)** She new she liked jayfeather more den firestar…but firestar was so hot… **(*echos* Johnny Depp! Depp... Depp...)** suddenly a memery flashed in her mind. It was firestar making out wif her as a kitt. **(Are you kidding me?! What is wrong with ThunderClan these days?!)** He had always loved her….who wuld she choose? 


	5. He Just Attacked the Bitch?

**PART 5 REGRET (Well it's your fault anyways.)**

Obsidianpaw felt pain in her belly. She immediately went too jayfeathers den…at leest it was an excuse to see him again. **(Slut.)** She still hadn't tooled firestar about them and it had ben a week! She went to his den and acted sexy, she culd tell it gave him pleasure. **(God, this story should be rated M.)** "my belly hurts." She said az she ran her tale acros his cheek. **(Because everyone tries to act sexy when vising the doctor.)** Jayfeather let ot a cole breath.

"ill check it out four u" he said. Obsidian ruled over on her bak. Jayfeather brushed his paw a long her belly. Befor he could start to do somthing she wuld have liked,, he gasepd. **(Okay, ew, I don't even think I should be reading this story.)**

"OBSIDIANPAW U R PREGNANT!" he gasped. **(You just kissed, you idiots.)**

Obsidianpaw felt sick. "are…are…they urs or firestars."

"idk" jay said. **(How helpful of you. *clap clap*)**

Obsidian cried on hiz shulder "i…i….hope dey r urs…but they culd be firestars….or…" obsidian gasped, remembering back to when she was first apprenticed and liked lionblzae "THEY ARE LIONBLAZES!" **(You're fucking kidding me.)**

Jayfeather sobbed. "my own brother…." He cried. Obsidianpaw felt bad but she new they wer lionblazes. **(If you fucked three different toms you wouldn't know who the father is, okay?!)** She rushed to the leader s den an told firestar. Firestar gave her a gash on her face. **(He just attacked the bitch?!)** "DEY SHULD HAVE BEEN MINE" he yowled. Obsidian was hurt mentally and outsidely. **(It's called physically, not oustidely you retard.)** She sobbed in the apprentice den…a cat came into comfort her. She luked up and it was…icewing?! **(Who the fuck is Icewing?!)**

(2 b continued pls stop hating. Are you team firestar, jay, lion, or ice? XD) **(Hm... I'ma go with Team IhateyouandyourstorythatshouldberatedM.)**


	6. Because Being Loved is a Burden

**PART 6 NO HOMO (Hm?)**

Obsidanpaw felt comfortable next too icewing. **(Well then.)** She crled up against her az ice licked her afectinately. **(Oh great, this story has lesbian cats too.)** She kissed ice quickly and turned away. Instead of being shocked icewing kissed her bak on the lips. She kissed her hard and pressed against her. Obsidian shiverd. She luved a she-cat? **(Yep. All I can say is at least you're not going insane like Starkit/paw/gleam/star did.)**

"I cant be wif you I had an affair wif firestar, nd pregnant with lionblazes kits, nd jayfeather is my bf" obsidian said. **(You're not even a slut anymore: you're a whore.)**

"ill be ur mate instead of dumb jayfeather." Icewing said.

"ugh why does everybody luv me" obsidianpaw said. **(Because being loved is a burden.)**

Icewing ignored her and kissed her more. Obsidian didn't proteest. Suddenly jayfeather walked in. he didn't notice cuz he waz blind. **(No duh.)** He went ovr and kissed obsidian, her didn't know ice was kissing her to. **(I'm sorry, but you would know if someone else was kissing your girlfriend if you tried to kiss her too.)** Obsidian fekt awkward. **(Well I should hope so.)**

"I wil father da kitz" jayfeather said and walked away. **(Be a good daddy.)**

"that was close" icewing said.

Icewing walked away. **(You just walk away after making out with someone you hardly even know?)** _what will I tell jayfeather? I want icewing too b the kits parent wif me not him_. **(You're kidding me. Make up your fucking mind, bitch.)** Obsidian thought. She cried and ran out of the camp. **(You're breaking a rule.)**


	7. Wow, You're a Terrible Mother

**PART 7 QUEST (Yippe.)**

Obsidian felt pains in her bely. She knew the kits were comeing and she waz far from camp. **(Okay, you wouldn't have your kits that fast.)** She layed down and had teh kits. They died except one. It was a dark brown tom. It looked nothing like lionbaze or her. Weird. **(The kit doesn't have to look like the father or the mother. It could come from your grandparents. Or maybe you were just being a whore and fucked some other tom that you forgot about.)** Obsidian new she couldn't go back to the clan so she stayed outside for a while. She buried he kitz like dirt, she hated them and there father. **(Why?)** She stared at the living kit.

Suddenly she relized he was differebt. **(You already noticed that, like, six sentences ago.)** Hiz eyes were amber and he already had a scar on his noz. Weird. **(You already said weird once.)**

She went back to camp with him and saw icewing. Icewing took him to the nursery. Jayfeather was shocked she kitted and still dint know she loved icewing. **(*sigh*)** Obsidian growled at him.

'I luv icewingnot u" she said.

Jayfeather ran away crying. **(Poor Jaybae!)** She dint care having kits had filed her with rage. **(Wow, you're a terrible mother.)**


End file.
